Return of the Demon Hunter!
by AgelessDawn
Summary: Mike Walrusslayer is back! After leaving Northrend, Mike set out for Orgrimmar, unknowingly still pursued by the agents of W.A.M.... Ch. 1: A Fresh Start and Fresh Enemies.


**AD: nothing short of miraculous but its true. Mike got a sequel. Sadly their ain't no Blue Goblins this time around.**

Perhaps some of you reading this remember Mike? The idiot of a Demon Hunter who can never hope to be considered totally wicked awesome or incredibly powerful beyond belief? For those of you who don't, too bad. Read the first book if you're that curious.

Far out at sea, in the middle of the sea, somewhere near the sea…

Mike leaned against the rusty boat railing, content with everything except the ships food. He was going to a place near his home, and soon he would be home, and once he was home he was going to play Xbox live and screw with the noobs, or read the latest cad comic. Mike sighed as he thought about the previous month or two. Blue Goblins, penguins, Arthas, crumpets, zerglings, meteors, Harry Potter…

"If only I had brought my camera," thought Mike. "It would have made a great scrapbook. At that moment the ship's bell rang, signifying that the boat was about to go ever the edge of the world. Mike looked over the rusty railing and spied a giant waterfall. Next to him was a brown-haired youth who said, "Egad! Kraden was right! I must report this to the council!" With that he leapt off the ship into the waters and was promptly sucked off the waterfall. His spot was occupied by a middle-aged English man. The man pulled out a telescope and gazed across the ocean at the giant waterfall. "Impossible, the world isn't round!" With that the man also jumped off the ship and was sucked off the waterfall. Mike stared at the oncoming waterfall. "This really sucks beyond belief," he said as the ship went careening off the giant waterfall.

That really is too bad cause this means the story ends before it even begins. Of course not!

Mike was washed up on shore in Durotar, the beautiful desolate dessert were every bit of life struggles to survive. Sitting, up he shook his head to rid himself of the excess water in his ears. Had he turned around he would have seen a lovely beach scene where people were having fun…and a huge shark fin had surfaced. Mike turned around though, because the author compelled him to. And Mike came face to face with Jaws, a level 50 elite.

_Enter Battle Mode!_

Jaws appeared!

Mike cowers in fear!

50 dodge rate!

Jaws uses relentless stalker shark that won't let you escape technique!

Mike loses 300 dodge rate!

Mike uses Mana Burn!

Jaws has no mana!

Jaws uses Banjo!

Mike loses 1000 hp!

Mike uses immolation!

Jaws uses bucket of water!

Mike loses immolation!

Jaws uses Devour in one bite!

Mike uses stick to prop open Jaws' mouth!

Author uses This battle has gone on too long!

Jaws is blown up!

Jaws loses 5,000,000 hp!

Jaws was defeated! Mike gained 3 xp points! Mike grew to level -4! Author gained 90,000 xp points! Author grew to level 67! Author learned Ambidextrous Tech!

_End Battle Scene._

The frail old man crawled up to Mike; "You have saved us from the evil leet thing! How can we ever repay you?" Mike thought for a moment before saying, "I want ice cream." Three hours later Mike was walking along the road eating an ice cream cone. The old man had actually refused to give up the sacred fourth flavor ice cream, but Mike was very persuasive, saying that he could resurrect the shark if he wanted to. Strangely enough the fourth flavor tasted like . And actually that bleeped out word is crap.

Mike stood before the incredibly awesome and pimped out gates of Orgrimmar. The orc grunts on duty paid no attention to him because their AI was limited to patrolling and looking cool. Inside the city was a different matter altogether. Merchants looked down from everywhere wanting to sell something. "Badger, Badger, Badger, Badger, Badger!" one of them called and held up the animal in question. Another one called out, "Mushroom! Mushroom!" and held up a basket overflowing with poisonous fungi. From three feet to his left Mike heard someone scream, "Ahhhh! Snake! Ahhhhh Snake! Ohhhh! It's a snake!" Not that Mike would have bought a snake anyway. Mike went to the inn and took a seat on the waiting bench. Nearby someone was talking in a funny language, saying stuff like, "LFG and RFC and WTS and even LFG MC WTS Sulfuras, The Hand of Ragnaros." Mike didn't know how speech looked orange; it just did in this case. Just as Mike was going to talk to the innkeeper, he froze, everything stopped moving, even the water dripping in the faucet stopped. Three seconds later he was moving again and someone shouted, "Lag spike! contact a GM!" Mike blinked confusedly (despite his lack of eyes). The innkeeper gave him a room on the third story. "But be careful," the innkeeper warned, "Something lives up there, something with an evil evilness about it." Mike shrugged to signify he had seen worse, except someone had stabbed the innkeeper, killed him, and looted his corpse all in one swift move.

_Later that Night_

Mike was sleeping peacefully when an earsplitting giggle shattered his dreams of waffles. Bolting upright, Mike surveyed the room. "Another foolish one has ventured into my lair." an evil voice, obviously belonging to Satan himself said. "I'll just have to kill you." Out of the shadowy corner of his closet stepped, Barney.

Mike screamed. Who wouldn't have?

_Enter Battle Mode!_

Barney appeared!

Mike used scream of horror!

Barney is immune!

Barney used Song of Gayness!

Mike's straight meter went down two points!

_Interlude_

"Nooo!" Mike shouted. I worked hard for those two points! You shall die spawn of Hades!"

_End Interlude_

Mike prayed to the earth! (Blinding lights flash) Tatsu joined the battle!

Tatsu used Jedi Mind trick!

Barney attacks himself!

Barney takes 134 damage!

Mike uses Mana Burn!

Barney loses 10 mana and 10 life!

Barney uses Army of Gay Children!

Tatsu gets -!

Tatsu is toast!

Mike uses Fishing!

Barney can't resist biting the shiny hook!

_Interlude_

Mike gasped for breath, he couldn't keep this up without some more help but the author was fixing himself a bagel and a cup of coffee! Suddenly out of the shadows sprang…

_End Interlude_

Captain Falcon joins the battle!

Captain Falcon uses Falcon Punch!

Barney loses 608 hp!

Barney uses Pani Dance!

CF becomes confused!

CF slaps himself silly in confusion!

Mike uses dog-training whistle!

Barney is mauled by fifty rabid wolves!

Barney loses 47,092 hp!

Barney Dies!

Mike gains 13 xp! Mike reached level -3! CF gains 300 xp! CF gained level 12!

Obtained Loot: essence of the retard, Barneys Head, a box of toilet paper.

_End extremely long and unnecessary Battle Scene._

Mike wiped the sweat from his brow and slumped in a near-by chair while Captain Falcon (from now on called Falcon) skinned Barneys corpse. "Oooooo! Ragged Scraps!" Falcon squealed in delight. Mike sighed and checked his wristwatch, 3:20 AM. Falcon picked up his share of the loot and walked to the window where he turned around and saluted Mike, " If you ever need my help, just tap your heels together three times and say, "There's nothing like a good -kicking!" With that Falcon jumped out of the window, three stories below Mikes room a crash was heard. Mike pondered what the heck a cow-kicking had to do with help.

**AD: whew, went way overboard with my battle scenes. However these battle types are only featured in this chapter, and possibly chapter 3.**

**Mike: I'm so glad that were back in business!**

**AD: no hug for you Mike, your straight meter went down by two, who knows what you'll do to me.**

**Falcon: does this mean I'm a star in your story now?**

**AD: no. Your just here to provide Mike with moral support if need be.**


End file.
